When Did We Become So Vain???

When did sex become more important to a man that the love that a woman gives him? When did money become more important to us than the missions it which were created? Why is it that we focus on our lives as if it is all that matters, yet forget the purposes of which this world was created?

These and many questions alike are often times overlooked and disregarded because of what has been cultivated in us from birth. Last night I had a discussion and began to talk about my purpose of life. Granted I do not know what I am here to do; ultimately my conversation led to the beginning teachings and literature of the Bible (that should be pointed out has been redefined and recreated to mimic the perspectives of that particular individual writing it). It is my opinion that the Holy Bible is our book of guidance. One teacher defined the Bible as the: Beginning instructions before leaving earth; nice analogy right?! It is an instrument that is supposed to guide us to walk in and follow the works of our God and it's primary example of a human doing what is the ideology of all humans would be that of Jesus Christ!

Let's measure how perspective varies: If you walked down to your local coffee stand to see a older woman on the ground, would you bother to ask her if she is alright? Some people believe it would be their civic duty to ensure that woman's safety, while others believe it isn't their business whether or not she is okay. Yet, most would agree the thought process is there. However, the same thought of an older man would probably not get the same thought process, especially from a woman, because of the fear that we automatically assume in the danger that could happen if we did check on him. Which leads me to my point. Society shapes all perspectives of life and how to live it. I believe humans have become so self absorbed in what their daily routines are that they dismiss anything that isn't associate with them. We neglect our environment by throwing away recyclable items and fueling our cars with dangerous substances to get to and from work every day. Although we all live in our own right, does it really mean what we are doing is right? Our defense often times is that we are only as strong as our counterparts. If society, for example, says that fueling our cars with gasoline despite the effects it brings our planet, is the only means to effective transportation then who are we, as individuals, to against the grain? Yet, when we hear of or witness the developments of gas less cars or other forms of transportation, we default to what upholds our image...our nicer cars over the gas less cars. Am I saying that you're wrong; NO! Am I saying that you're right; NO!

To learn then to teach is a common problem we see among those who had advantage, but why? Why take in knowledge and be selfish? Why work for a company that is only about profit rather than the better of all people alike? Why is it that we so often forget that we all bleed the same? I have been raised with various perspectives of religion and have multiple beliefs that are not always aligned with the same religion as you...does that mean I will not be saved? If a person says to you that they understand the rights and wrongs of man made laws and the sins of a Bible, but doesn't believe they have to justify their faith by attending a service that a pastor/minister/etc. will conduct and pass of to his/her congregation a perspective of what he/she read, do you fault them by justifying in rebuttal why they should attend? And at what point in that same conversation will you acknowledge that you have just passed judgement???

To be vain is the lacking of a deeper meaning...or what I'd like to reference purpose. We're here on earth for something rather than nothing. So why not spend this time doing good not only for yourself, but for the community in which you serve? Take the knowledge that you have been granted with and share with others.

This last point I'll make is from a story I read about a family of four eating dinner on their back lawn. A robber comes up to the family heavily disguised and asks for all the money they have accessible to them, while pointing a gun to the their 14-year old daughters head. What is your immediate thought? To fight him; try to kill or badly hurt him; maybe an eye for an eye? Well, the mother of the daughter said as nicely as she could that he did not have to do this. There were other options for him out there if he just sought them out. She offered him a glass wine and the entire family ended up hugging, crying, and robber eventually left. No harm done. Is this situation always possible, probably not, but if you never try how will you know?

Selflessness is the name...but are you ready for the game?

Keep it pimpin!

Destined for Greatness!!

Bravery borderline Crazy! or am I?

Most of my friends can attest that I am the type who tries to avoid conflict. However when time calls for desperate measures my ingenuity can definitely get me in trouble. It’s more common than not that when we are agitated, we tend to be more brave and I’m definitely a product of that flaw.

In the spirit of “confessions” I will share with you my brave tendencies. My ex boyfriend, let’s call him the soul-traveler, was a very earthy type of guy. He always amazed me about how much he knew about culture. He taught himself how to speak Spanish, he is well travelled, he listened to good music (the type that you normally won’t hear in the mainstream), and the list goes on. He was just that earthy, handsome guy, who did things uncommon from the average Joe. This also meant that he was charming, which we all know is a dangerous characteristic for your man to have.

5 months into the relationship I started noticing his behavior change. I wasn’t receiving the same attention and that bothered me. I didn’t accuse him of anything or ask him questions because like I said - I hate conflicts. So instead I went through his phoneJ. Please don’t try this at home unless you’re sure your skin is as thick as the Great Wall of China!

So there it was - some flirty text messages in his phone and for a while I didn’t know what to do with that information - So I kept it to myself and somehow distanced my feelings (inch by inch) from him. The next thing I knew, he was travelling more than before and in the spirit of being brave, I would often check his voicemail (-yes I got access to his voicemail from peeping over his shoulders for the password)

One day, after days of checking his voicemail for suspicious alerts, I finally got what I asked for - a voicemail from a girl from Canada talking about how much she misses him and when he’s going to visit her again? WTF? I kept my cool – and I didn’t confront him for a while until I figured out an approach that worked for me. So my best approach was to play with his mind. I started telling him about my “dreams” – little did he know my dreams were based on the voicemails from his phone! Yes I’m crazy for making him think my dreams were real! I would say things like, “you can’t believe what I dreamt about last night! That you were having an affair with a few girls and one of them is from Canada!” And I had fun getting manipulating his reactions! Fun!

Like I said, do not try this! I mean some of us prefer not to know, some of us trust our men, but the rest is screwed! I seldom get brave but when I do, I go all the way! J Some would call me crazy – but really I’m just smart. I can’t accuse him without evidence, and when I finally got evidence I could not get myself to tell him I was invading his privacy so the next best thing was to F with him! That way I had fun, and I slowly realized how NOT amazing he was.

Here’s the twisted part – we’re still Friends! And we often laugh about what happened in the past!

Sincerely,
I'ma-a-Diva from Seattle

Like Mother....Like Daughter?

People say it all the time, "You're just like your mother." Sometimes I hate hearing it only because there is ONE thing I absolutly hate about her. This will be the first time I will share this secret with anyone.

Before I share, I just want to make it clear, that my mother is wonderful. She's the best mom I could ever ask for. She cooks, cleans, bakes, fixes things and does anything I need help with. She's wonderful and she's the next Betty Crocker. Everyone loves her and she loves everyone. She supports my sister and I in all that we do and she offers the best advice, cause moms are always right. But there's just one thing that I wish I could change. One flaw that I wish I could fix.

My mother has a drinking problem. I'd like to call her an alcoholic, but I find that definition so harsh and a part of me doesn't want to accept it. I've tried numerous times to brush this problem aside. I've talked to her on several occasions about changing her ways and she's made countless promises to cut down. She's even said, "I'll quit tomorrow." But did it even happen? No. At first it seems like she is really going to follow through but it never fails that our neighbors will come by and want to have a drink.

I feel that drinking on special occasions is expected, but it never fails that every Christmas I've experienced with my family, ends up in a fight between someone. I thought this year was going to be the year of no DRAMA. I must say everything was perfect until the end of the night on Christmas Day. I was already in bed before midnight and downstairs I could hear yelling...then screaming and a loud thud. I came out of my room and asked nicely, "What's going on, do you guys need help?" Turns out my grandpa who is pretty much handicap was stuck on the floor drunk and my mother who was also drunk was trying to lift him back into his wheelchair. My grandma was trying to guide them or something. Then my grandma replied to me selfishly and intoxicated as well, "Yes we need help! I hope that one day when your old that someone will take care of you. You are inconsiderate..."

I felt my blood boil. I tried to control my anger. How dare my grandma talk to me that way?! What was her problem? Oh ya, that's right she's drunk too. So I tried to help my grandpa get back into his chair, and my mother starts talking and trying to help me at the same time. She's unbalanced and her breath reeked of alcohol. That was it. I lost it. I yelled at her. "You're f***ing drunk MOM! Let me do this. You can't even balance." She disagreed of course. Her words slurred, "I'm not drunk." I replied, "Look in the f***ing mirror at yourself!" My eyes swelled. Tears streamed down my face. I couldn't believe I was yelling like this. Do I really have this much pent up anger?

My grandpa begged me to stop, but my sister backed me up. "Grandpa, you don't know what we deal with. It's like this every night with her." Of course, they don't understand. I picked up my grandpa, got him into the chair and eventually got him into bed. His leg was bleeding. Somehow he cut his leg. I wrapped up his leg too. My mom continued to b*tch about how ungrateful my sister and I are, etc. Saying things that weren't even relevant to what we were talking about. She even told me sister to "F" off. I was still extremely upset. I went to the bathroom, collected myself and tried to go to bed. My sister laid with me as we cried. You would think this horrible evening would be over, but unfortunately...it wasn't.

My drunken mother decided to come into my room and ask me if I was okay and if my sister was okay. I was irritated. So I replied with an attitude, "What do you think mom? You told my sister to "F" off. You're drunk, go to bed." She didn't listen and she denied everything that just happened. Then she tried to justify her hurtful words by stating that we don't respect her, we don't appreciate anything she does...etc..etc..I tried to explain to her that she's just NOT getting the point. You wouldn't guess what she said next, "Fine, I'll quit drinking tomorrow, but you girls better f***ing help me clean this house..." Wtf? I could not believe that she was trying to compare her drinking problem to cleaning the house? This time I was going to fight back.

I yelled at her sternly. "Mom you're not getting the POINT. You're not drinking responsibly. You're out of control. There is no way you would be able to stop drinking cold turkey. Can't you just drink responsibly?" She tried to yell over me. "I do get it...blah blah blah" I yelled back, "You're not listening." Then she pushed me and told me "F*** YOU." I screamed for my dad. "DAD TAKE MOM TO BED NOW! SHE JUST PUSHED ME!" She slammed the door in my face. I couldn't believe that my own mother pushed me. I couldn't believe that she was consumed of so much alcohol and anger that it led her to react in such a unacceptable way. My sister and I cried for hours.

Needless to say, I did not sleep well that night. I need to get out of this house. Somehow, some way. I pray that god will grace me with a job out of state. My mother needs help! I don't know what to do. I don't want her to die because of this addiction she has. The next morning, she tried to act like nothing happened. I don't know if I can forgive her for this.

I never want to be like my mother when she is this way.

-PoCkeT FuLL oF SuNsHiNe From Seattle

Private Dancer

Ok so it’s not what you think – I don’t dance for money… but let me break it down for you. In my recent findings, I can honestly confess that I can get any man in the crowd with the right moves. I’ll share a couple of examples about how I met the few guys that I have dated or “talked to” so far. I’ll start with my lap dance lover boy in college. He actually confessed to me after 3 weeks of hanging out that he admires the way I dance. He even eluded the fact that I “must be good in bed”. Then there was the football jock (who now plays for Cleveland Browns) who has always told me that I make him look good when I dance with him, so when I’m on the dance floor, he was always ready to drop whatever or whoever is on him to dance with me. Then there was the muscle man who loved the way I did the ‘chicken head’ dance. Then there was the soul traveler, who I saw first and knew right away that he was going to ask me to dance with him by the end of the night – I was right! Then in Las Vegas, I had the perfect chemistry with sexy mocha which started as a dance off challenge. Then, more recently, the sexy chef who couldn’t get enough after one dance – so we ended up dancing all night! - don't worry I'll elaborate on some of this on future blogs.

So you see, dancing is a big part of my life and I have gotten a lot of what I want because of it. But sometimes, I can’t help but wonder if I can get a good pool of men without dancing. And for a quick second, that thought had dangerously played with my ego but I came to a conclusion that it’s impossible to rule out dancing in my life. It is a big part of who I am and I appreciate that there are some people that appreciate it.

I solemnly enjoy dancing like nobody is watching and often times whoever I’m dancing with enjoys it as well. Most of the time my motives aren’t anything sexual but that’s how it always looks from the outside perspective – which is too bad because sometimes to me it’s just the art of movement…but to him it’s making love in the club with clothes on. The world seems to find it very easy to connect dancing and sex. I can't blame them because it is about the same motion. I often get the question "Is it true that dancers are good in bed" and to be honest I'm almost sick of the question that I start varrying my answer just for fun. Sometimes I'll say of course definitely, or only good dancers are good in bed, or I'll say no not true - I've had a dancer and he was not good in bed.

I just wish I can dance how I want and not get judged for it. I wish I can dance how I want and not have anyone think that I will do the same thing with them without clothes on...

Yours Truly,
I'ma A Diva from Seattle

SELFISH

SELFISH. It's the word I've been pondering. Some say I have a 'Heart of Gold'...or was it a 'Body of Gold'? I've been called "Sunshine" and known as giving everything I have to anyone in need, hence I am the total opposite of Selfish, I'm selfless.

Do me a favor and define selfish. Better yet, I'll define it for you. Selfishness denotes the precedence given in thought or deed to the self, i.e., self interest or self concern. It is the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others. I mean, lets face reality when I say this definition defines most women. Women are naturally more selfless than men, majority of us women were born as givers and nurturers. We give love and attention no matter what. In my opinion, men are just a little bit more selfish. I'm not dogging on all men saying that they are ALL selfish assholes. But yes, some do exist. I've encountered many.

AND then...there's me. Why am I the victim of giving too much? Loving too much? Being too selfless? Why can't I be more selfish?

I'm not doubting my capabilities that I can't be more selfish. It's something I work on daily. Focus on me. Be selfish. Forget about everything else and do what I need to do to better myself and be me. And where do I need to put that selfish energy? Into Men! Relationships! When it comes to men, I tend to brush my selfish feelings aside and give everything I have. I don't know what it is about me. I know other women can relate. I could start with the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Guess I gotta find a pocket in my shirt to keep my heart in, and sew it shut for a while. ;)

Lately, I've realized that there are more selfish people in this world and there are more selfless people than I ever thought. I'm learning to shut out the people who are too selfish to recognize a wonderful person in their life because they are not worthy nor do they deserve the presence of me!

I'm a SELFISH woman. I'll SHARE all my LOVE with you...But my HEART?

That's my posession.

-*Pocket Full Of Sunshine*-From Seattle

Understanding Life... From All Perspectives

Understanding Life... From All Perspectives
You Don't Know Me

Understanding Life... From All Perspectives (Judgments)

"What I need from you is understanding, how can we communicate if you don't hear what I'm saying" (Escape, 1993).

I believe that in life there are many perspecitves, yet one's perspective somehow is always different than anothers. In life we are raised to believe the teachings of our God and his ministers, the moral of our parents (or a single parent for some), and the instructions of our teachers.

I was once told, "to judge is to be judged" (Anonymous) and that is why I'm writing this today.You don't know me!You don't know the trials and tribulations faced in my years of living. There isn't one person that understands the pain and suffering that I've faced as a young child and even as a young adult. Your perspective of life has no simularities to the perspective of life I've endured. So to look at me and my family and see what we've done or not done; what we've got or don't got; what we're going through and not going through and pass a perspective, or what I like to rephrase as a judgment, sheds no barriers on how I will continue to live my life.

Every year I grow. Every year I am shaped. Every year I will do something different that I probably would never of thought of or admit to do. For example, "I walk like this cause I can back it up. I got a big ego!" (Beyonce, 2008). A few years ago I probably wouldn't ever dare to say something so bold, but because I am finding myself and because I know my worth in this world I have no fears, I have no reservations, and I have no regrets for the way I live my life in this imperfect and sinful world. I will be judged, but not by you. I will repay for the mistakes I've made, but no payment will ever go to you. I will repent and ask for forgiveness, but you my friend will never hear it.This me!! And I'm finally happy with me. I am happy to walk the streets with my beautiful mixed hair bouncing as I take every strong and determined step towards greatness. To have my head up high, and a smile on my face cause at the end of each day I know that "I" respect your life so I have no fears if you don't respect mine!

Keep it pimping!

Destined for Greatness!!

Let them go into their caves and they will spring back like rubber bands

Okay, I admit it. I read self-help books. And under that category are relationship help books. Not that I feel I NEED relationship help. I just find it really interesting to hear what other people suggest about these strange creatures called "men." So my latest adventure into the realms of self-help has involved being cozied-up on the couch reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." Yes, I know I am slightly behind the trend to read this book and discover all the differences between the sexes, but nevertheless, it is still interesting. I am slowly finding out what all the buzz was about! This is the first book I have read that plainly explains particular behaviors-- and justifies why the behavior occurs!

There is one specific male behavior discussed in this book that struck a cord with me immediately-- "going to the cave."

Now, as women, we can sometimes get clingy. We think when men run from us, that we have done something wrong. We follow them, we ask them questions, we want to know what we did to upset them. But the truth of the matter is-- they just want to be left alone.

Why do they digress into their cave? Why do they run away? Why do they want to be left alone? Simple- they need to be alone to regain their autonomy, think about things, solve problems, create solutions. This can not be done when women are breathing down their throats.

I have found myself guilty of this many times. My man retreats into his office, for no apparent reason. He says he's working, but really I see him surfing the Web. I start to wonder, why doesn't he want to spend time with me? Have I upset him? Is he okay? ????? So-- eventually, I meander into his office and ask him if he's okay. Yes, he always responds. Then I make my way back to whatever I was doing and leave him alone. These are just the mini-cave disappearances.

However, he has disappeared Osama Bin Laden style once before. Things were going great and slowly he began pulling away from me. As he pulled away, I clinged on for dear life, giving him even more attention. It was this particular action that led him to a cave dissappearance for almost 2 months.

Now, all of this mumbo jumbo cave talk may be confusing to you, so let me break it down. Basically, when men are in a relationship (marriage, dating, close to dating) they tend to start to feel like they are losing themselves. They need to get their autonomy back. They need to feel powerful. To solve this problem, they need time alone.

If women follow them into their cave, ask questions and persist to bother them, they will begin to feel guilty that they have gone into their cave. They feel like you don't trust that they are okay. They need that reasurrance that you will be fine without them. How do you provide that reasurrance? LEAVE THEM ALONE.

According to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, men are like rubber bands. They stretch and stretch until they can't be stretched any more. If you keep on stretching them, they will break. But if you let them stretch, let them gather themselves, leave them alone-- they will soon snap right back to you.

Even before I read this advice, I experienced it first hand during that month and a half. He needed time alone. He was losing himself. Spending too much time with me. So, I left him alone. I let him call me. I let him think. Then, amazingly, he sprang right back to me. We picked up right where we left off, only our relationship was stronger! It was amazing.

So, the moral of the story is...ladies, let your man go into his cave. Don't worry about what "you" did, don't worry about him. Just leave him be. Once he regains his manliness, he'll spring right back into your arms.

Love always,

Sin City Angel

Timing is Everything...

We've all heard the quote, "Timing is Everything." I've heard it from the movie "Hitch," I've heard it from a friend of a friend and from your mamma's mama. Needless to say, it's damn true. Time is the essence of our life. We're all WAITING for something. Which brings me to the point of this blog. I'm waiting for the big shift to happen in my life. Career. Love. Life. I feel like I'm stuck in this hallway full of doors on each side. Which door do I open? Which one do I choose?

Why was I laid off from my job, and what was the timing of that? Questions and questions overlapping each other. Timing. That's what it is timing. There's a plan for me. I just have to be patient right? I'm not losing hope. I'm optimistic. I want a job. I want to launch my career now!

Time...time...Time...it's a beautiful thing right?

The other day, I was talking to my trainer about this guy that I've been into for a while and he told me, "Maybe it's just not the right time, timing is everything." And I thought, "You know what? He's right...Right?" I began to tell him about this guy that I dated a year ago who was really sweet...a great guy, but I just wasn't interested in him on that 'same level.' We didn't connect on that level that I felt was enough to further our relationship. Then he asked me, "Do you think it would be different if you were dating him now? Maybe you weren't ready then, just how the person you are talking to now. It's all about timing, and now you're on the other side of the fence, cause you're ready and he's not." Wow. Was I getting a taste of my own medicine? That's a hard pill to swallow, but in a sense I saw his point of view and I inhaled every word, slowly and deeply.

Things will happen when the timing is right. The only thing for me is that if and when I want something bad enough... I tend to do anything to make it happen no matter what. BUT...what I need to realize in truth...is sometimes no matter how hard I try sometimes things aren't meant to be mine. Some things just aren't meant to happen...because it just isn't the right TIME.

In the end...TIMING is EVERYTHING...

-*PoCket FuLL oF SunShiNe* from Seattle-

He’s just not into me so I am not that into him either!

If there is one thing I am absolutely sure about myself it’s that I have too much pride when it comes to dating. Most people argue that we should fight for what we want but my take is that I don’t have to convince anyone that I am the right girl for them. What you see is what you get and I make it a point that they see all that they need to get to know who I am and decide for themselves if I am the right person for them. I definitely only do this with men I fantasy potential with.

So far, I have invested myself with 3 men in my twenties and to this day, I’m still single. So therefore, they weren’t or aren’t that into me so I need to take it easy. Not take it too seriously and keep focusing on my success. I know that the right man will come along and will not require such puzzling thought process.

For now, I am deeply involved with someone who lives thousands of miles away. I’ve known him for over a year and our relationship has progressively gotten stronger but yet we are not officially committed to each other. He seems to be afraid of many unknowns – afraid that long distance is not going to work or afraid that we are not going to last long if we lived together. In conclusion, he doesn’t like me enough to overcome his fears – therefore, I stay aloof as well. I can’t force anyone to realize something. He has to realize for himself!

A few people have asked if I have read the book "He's just not that into you" and I tell them that I refuse to read it. Why? Because I don't need a stranger to remind me of the things that I should already know - and yes I say that with an attitude!

yours truly,

I'ma A Diva from Seattle

I'm no different sometimes!

There I was sitting on his bachelor leather couch infront of a 50 something inches wide screen tv. He was making us some tea in the kitchen. I'm pretending to watch the television while deeply thinking about how to open up a conversation about how he hasn't called me for a week and suddenly wanted to hang out. I for sure did not want to sound nuts, but still wanted to get a convo about why that was. So he sat (not right next to me) - and I thought well I'm going to make my way into his bubble - so I did. Then the unexpected revelation came! He says "I have something to tell you" - so I thought: I've only known you for a little over a month, what could it possibly be? he continues, "you know how I have been M.I.A for almost 2 weeks? it's because I was boo'd up..."

WOW - faced with an unexpected couch confessional, I did not know how to react! Why tell me such thing? Why confess when clearly we both are in a stage where we can do whatever we want? Why be M.I.A and completely neglect me for days if you're not committed to anyone? - all sorts of questions running in my head and what I ended up saying was: "Oh I see, well thanks for letting me know" - whoooooowhat? I can't believe I handled it like that.

We, women always complain about liars and guys who can't just keep it real! I got myself an honest guy sitting next to me and I resented it! Yes I know it's complex BUT I guess honesty is preferred to an extent. What he said was an uncalled confession that we both could have gone without! I was mentally checked out after that... thinking 'If you don't know how to manage your time, then that's your bad and no brownie points for telling me how you were boo'd up without following up with something like "but that's all over now because she wasn't anything like you"-'Yes sometimes I'm no different! Sometimes I can be just like how many men would say: DIFFICULT!

- your's truly,

I'ma A Diva from Seattle