Like Mother....Like Daughter?

People say it all the time, "You're just like your mother." Sometimes I hate hearing it only because there is ONE thing I absolutly hate about her. This will be the first time I will share this secret with anyone.

Before I share, I just want to make it clear, that my mother is wonderful. She's the best mom I could ever ask for. She cooks, cleans, bakes, fixes things and does anything I need help with. She's wonderful and she's the next Betty Crocker. Everyone loves her and she loves everyone. She supports my sister and I in all that we do and she offers the best advice, cause moms are always right. But there's just one thing that I wish I could change. One flaw that I wish I could fix.

My mother has a drinking problem. I'd like to call her an alcoholic, but I find that definition so harsh and a part of me doesn't want to accept it. I've tried numerous times to brush this problem aside. I've talked to her on several occasions about changing her ways and she's made countless promises to cut down. She's even said, "I'll quit tomorrow." But did it even happen? No. At first it seems like she is really going to follow through but it never fails that our neighbors will come by and want to have a drink.

I feel that drinking on special occasions is expected, but it never fails that every Christmas I've experienced with my family, ends up in a fight between someone. I thought this year was going to be the year of no DRAMA. I must say everything was perfect until the end of the night on Christmas Day. I was already in bed before midnight and downstairs I could hear yelling...then screaming and a loud thud. I came out of my room and asked nicely, "What's going on, do you guys need help?" Turns out my grandpa who is pretty much handicap was stuck on the floor drunk and my mother who was also drunk was trying to lift him back into his wheelchair. My grandma was trying to guide them or something. Then my grandma replied to me selfishly and intoxicated as well, "Yes we need help! I hope that one day when your old that someone will take care of you. You are inconsiderate..."

I felt my blood boil. I tried to control my anger. How dare my grandma talk to me that way?! What was her problem? Oh ya, that's right she's drunk too. So I tried to help my grandpa get back into his chair, and my mother starts talking and trying to help me at the same time. She's unbalanced and her breath reeked of alcohol. That was it. I lost it. I yelled at her. "You're f***ing drunk MOM! Let me do this. You can't even balance." She disagreed of course. Her words slurred, "I'm not drunk." I replied, "Look in the f***ing mirror at yourself!" My eyes swelled. Tears streamed down my face. I couldn't believe I was yelling like this. Do I really have this much pent up anger?

My grandpa begged me to stop, but my sister backed me up. "Grandpa, you don't know what we deal with. It's like this every night with her." Of course, they don't understand. I picked up my grandpa, got him into the chair and eventually got him into bed. His leg was bleeding. Somehow he cut his leg. I wrapped up his leg too. My mom continued to b*tch about how ungrateful my sister and I are, etc. Saying things that weren't even relevant to what we were talking about. She even told me sister to "F" off. I was still extremely upset. I went to the bathroom, collected myself and tried to go to bed. My sister laid with me as we cried. You would think this horrible evening would be over, but unfortunately...it wasn't.

My drunken mother decided to come into my room and ask me if I was okay and if my sister was okay. I was irritated. So I replied with an attitude, "What do you think mom? You told my sister to "F" off. You're drunk, go to bed." She didn't listen and she denied everything that just happened. Then she tried to justify her hurtful words by stating that we don't respect her, we don't appreciate anything she does...etc..etc..I tried to explain to her that she's just NOT getting the point. You wouldn't guess what she said next, "Fine, I'll quit drinking tomorrow, but you girls better f***ing help me clean this house..." Wtf? I could not believe that she was trying to compare her drinking problem to cleaning the house? This time I was going to fight back.

I yelled at her sternly. "Mom you're not getting the POINT. You're not drinking responsibly. You're out of control. There is no way you would be able to stop drinking cold turkey. Can't you just drink responsibly?" She tried to yell over me. "I do get it...blah blah blah" I yelled back, "You're not listening." Then she pushed me and told me "F*** YOU." I screamed for my dad. "DAD TAKE MOM TO BED NOW! SHE JUST PUSHED ME!" She slammed the door in my face. I couldn't believe that my own mother pushed me. I couldn't believe that she was consumed of so much alcohol and anger that it led her to react in such a unacceptable way. My sister and I cried for hours.

Needless to say, I did not sleep well that night. I need to get out of this house. Somehow, some way. I pray that god will grace me with a job out of state. My mother needs help! I don't know what to do. I don't want her to die because of this addiction she has. The next morning, she tried to act like nothing happened. I don't know if I can forgive her for this.

I never want to be like my mother when she is this way.

-PoCkeT FuLL oF SuNsHiNe From Seattle