Let them go into their caves and they will spring back like rubber bands

Okay, I admit it. I read self-help books. And under that category are relationship help books. Not that I feel I NEED relationship help. I just find it really interesting to hear what other people suggest about these strange creatures called "men." So my latest adventure into the realms of self-help has involved being cozied-up on the couch reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." Yes, I know I am slightly behind the trend to read this book and discover all the differences between the sexes, but nevertheless, it is still interesting. I am slowly finding out what all the buzz was about! This is the first book I have read that plainly explains particular behaviors-- and justifies why the behavior occurs!

There is one specific male behavior discussed in this book that struck a cord with me immediately-- "going to the cave."

Now, as women, we can sometimes get clingy. We think when men run from us, that we have done something wrong. We follow them, we ask them questions, we want to know what we did to upset them. But the truth of the matter is-- they just want to be left alone.

Why do they digress into their cave? Why do they run away? Why do they want to be left alone? Simple- they need to be alone to regain their autonomy, think about things, solve problems, create solutions. This can not be done when women are breathing down their throats.

I have found myself guilty of this many times. My man retreats into his office, for no apparent reason. He says he's working, but really I see him surfing the Web. I start to wonder, why doesn't he want to spend time with me? Have I upset him? Is he okay? ????? So-- eventually, I meander into his office and ask him if he's okay. Yes, he always responds. Then I make my way back to whatever I was doing and leave him alone. These are just the mini-cave disappearances.

However, he has disappeared Osama Bin Laden style once before. Things were going great and slowly he began pulling away from me. As he pulled away, I clinged on for dear life, giving him even more attention. It was this particular action that led him to a cave dissappearance for almost 2 months.

Now, all of this mumbo jumbo cave talk may be confusing to you, so let me break it down. Basically, when men are in a relationship (marriage, dating, close to dating) they tend to start to feel like they are losing themselves. They need to get their autonomy back. They need to feel powerful. To solve this problem, they need time alone.

If women follow them into their cave, ask questions and persist to bother them, they will begin to feel guilty that they have gone into their cave. They feel like you don't trust that they are okay. They need that reasurrance that you will be fine without them. How do you provide that reasurrance? LEAVE THEM ALONE.

According to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, men are like rubber bands. They stretch and stretch until they can't be stretched any more. If you keep on stretching them, they will break. But if you let them stretch, let them gather themselves, leave them alone-- they will soon snap right back to you.

Even before I read this advice, I experienced it first hand during that month and a half. He needed time alone. He was losing himself. Spending too much time with me. So, I left him alone. I let him call me. I let him think. Then, amazingly, he sprang right back to me. We picked up right where we left off, only our relationship was stronger! It was amazing.

So, the moral of the story is...ladies, let your man go into his cave. Don't worry about what "you" did, don't worry about him. Just leave him be. Once he regains his manliness, he'll spring right back into your arms.

Love always,

Sin City Angel