Unspoken Rules of the Friends with Benefits

Many of us out there are in a “casual” relationship. But as much as we have witnessed this type of relationship from TV or from friends we still seem to really not know how to properly position our emotions when it comes to the casual dating. Sometimes I wish I was Samantha(Sex and the City) – but then I’m not really in New York – ha!

So you tell me if you agree, but these are the unspoken rules whether you like it or not!
1. You can’t be jealous – you really can’t!

2. You can’t expect him to cuddle with you after wards and if he does it doesn’t mean he’s falling for you! It just means he’s in the mood to cuddle.

3. You can’t dress down! Seriously! Men are very visual and if you want to have even the tiniest control over the situation, you always have to make him realize that you’ve got what it takes to attract other people and that he’s not the only guy in the planet

4. Don’t show him all the benefits of being your friends all at once – don’t give him your goods, cook, massage him, and give him your goods again in the same night, week, or even month! As a matter of fact, just give him one benefit if you can help it.

5. Don’t expect to get his public display of affection and if you do get it don’t read too much into it!

6. Never think you’re the only one! No reason to confirm it or no reason to assume it. There’s a reason why he doesn’t want to get tied up. Don’t you think?

7. Try not to be lovey dovey! If you want to show him your domestic side – you can get others to confirm it! Cook for your “real” friends and have them be the testimony to your domestic side! What’s the point of proving yourself to him when he’s not proving himself to you?

8. Try not to spend the night all the time. Leave in a hurry sometimes like you somewhere to be :)

9. Wait for him to invite you over or invite himself over sometimes. Be aware of who initiates all the time! It can’t be you giving up the goods all the time.

10. Just because you’ve already hit the sack doesn’t mean you can’t play hard to get when you want! They love the chase!

You see there are so many constrictions in a casual relationship. Sometimes you loose yourself and you forget what a great girlfriend you’d make because you have been so consumed by making sure you don’t feel too much, give too much or love too much.

See when men tell you they do not want to be in a relationship and you still decide to get yourself involved, don’t expect for their minds to change just because you’ve shown them all of your “benefits”. Men will secretly think: “whew! Glad I told her I didn’t want a relationship early on”. They think they are off the hook! So ladies if you decide to get yourself in a causal relationship make sure you fully accept that there’s a big chance that it could never be more than that!



Sincerely,

I'ma -a-Diva from Seattle

They call it Try-sexual... I call it BADDD

I like to stay and live on the edge. So far in life I have tried different scenarios and different settings. Been to a swingers club, had a one night stand in Vegas, took stripper 101, dated an older man (12 years older), dated a younger man (just a few years younger), had sex in the balcony, marathon sex (over 10 times in one weekend), sex with a friend, lap dance show, done it in a public place… etc… I am by no means a whore but I like to live on the edge :) - I don’t think I’ll be trying a threesome because I don’t like to share… nor I’d try it through the back if you know what I mean.
Anyway – so lately, in the past year after I have been cheated on by my ex boyfriend I have been asking myself if I could ever be in a polygamous relationship. Not that I want to be in one but I want to try and see if I can stand knowing I’m not the only woman he’s luvin. I wasn’t careful with what I wished for that time. I met this young lad who I have felt so much sexual tension with in the beginning. I’m attracted to intelligence and talent and so far he’s got the skills that as a little kid I have always day dreamed of mastering – fighting skills! He’s a Tae Kwon Do instructor and I guess you can call me a horny student ;)
He flirted with me non stop and I tried to ignore him because the first few weeks I knew him we were both involved in a project that I was spear heading. I had to keep it professional! I see him lingering around and I feel him admiring my skills (dancing) but like I said I had to resist. Our project was over and here comes the after party where I still tried to resist myself because I knew something was different. Later on I found out he has a girlfriend of 10 years. I cannot beat that! Ha! My longest relationship was 3 years and I got bored. I kept playing with the fire and so far I’m loving the heat and I’m not burnt yet.
Of course I asked him to work me out and train me so I can be more fit and I can learn some Kicks! Next thing I knew he was on the ground stretching me and holding me with his strong arms. Of course I offered lunch as a payment for his time. Then all of a sudden we were alone in my place. He’s got strong hands so I knew he could make my big ol thighs feel better so I asked he massaged my thighs knowing that my thighs are my weakest spot – it’s the key to turning me on. I was straddling him as he was massaging my thighs then the next thing I knew I was sitting on him kissing and caressing. I kept thinking the karma that’s coming my way for kissing a man with a girlfriend of 10 years but of course it didn’t help that he always complained about how boring she is blab la blah. And all the text messages he sent me the past few days about being infatuated with me…
Then he carries me on the way to my room and I had to stop him in the hallway cuz that was such a sexy spot. He puts my legs on his shoulders and said “are you ready” – lol – I wasn’t but before I said anything I found myself about 4-5 feet off the ground anticipating the greatest orgasm of my life. WOW! I need a strong man like him! And he aims to please… That was the guiltiest pleasure of my life thus far! Now if I can just tell his girlfriend what a great gift it is to have a man who can keep up in the bedroom maybe she’d try harder to keep him around. He keeps saying that if he doesn’t get what he needs from her that he’ll leave her but from what I have known in life so far relationships of 10 years are hard to leave. You get accustomed to always having that person around and you become coward of a life without that person. But we’ll see how it pans out… Well I won’t write about the rest but thought you’d enjoy this story or not :).

Sincerely,
I’ma – a – Diva from Seattle
p.s.
Don’t Judge me!

AGE - more than just a number! part I

I just recently had an encounter with a young lad ( 2 years younger than I am) and at first, I just knew it wouldn't work but then that nice heart of mine told me to give it a try especially after he said that "age is nothing but a number" - so I DID. He was decent looking (honestly a small head for his body - some friends think he's a cutie), okay manners, mediocre fashion, but he had a lot to learn! He confirmed my definite point that anyone younger than me is too young. I need a man who is at least 5 years older than I am! I don't have time to teach anyone all that nor am I open to be their point of change (been there and done that!). We all know we can't really change men, I tried - trust me it's not easy. As I age, I become more and more impatient with the things I know I cannot tolerate!

So this young lad - let's call him well - YOUNG LAD - can't be more annoying even if I tried to ignore it. He was always looking for approval (just like a little kid would!) "Did you enjoy my company?" - after a good time of just laughing and chatting - well duh?!; "Where you thinking of me?" after I responded to his text message that I missed the night before - another duh!?; "Am I dressed like a playa? Am I dressed ok?" - wtf? who asks that question after you've arrived at the destination and dont' have a choice but to wear what you have? - MANNN is that annoying! - To top it all off and the very thing that turned me totally off was when he came to a party I helped host and he came close to me and whispered "A lot of girls have been giving me the looks tonight..." the nerve!!! so I quickly said "That's good, I'm not worried" - translation: great! go find someone else to irritate!

IN THIS CASE AGE IS DEFINITELY MORE THAN JUST A NUMBER - IT'S A DEFINITION OF STATURE - I PASS! NEXT PLEASE!

Sincerely,
I'ma - A - Diva from Seattle

He’s just not into me so I am not that into him either!

If there is one thing I am absolutely sure about myself it’s that I have too much pride when it comes to dating. Most people argue that we should fight for what we want but my take is that I don’t have to convince anyone that I am the right girl for them. What you see is what you get and I make it a point that they see all that they need to get to know who I am and decide for themselves if I am the right person for them. I definitely only do this with men I fantasy potential with.

So far, I have invested myself with 3 men in my twenties and to this day, I’m still single. So therefore, they weren’t or aren’t that into me so I need to take it easy. Not take it too seriously and keep focusing on my success. I know that the right man will come along and will not require such puzzling thought process.

For now, I am deeply involved with someone who lives thousands of miles away. I’ve known him for over a year and our relationship has progressively gotten stronger but yet we are not officially committed to each other. He seems to be afraid of many unknowns – afraid that long distance is not going to work or afraid that we are not going to last long if we lived together. In conclusion, he doesn’t like me enough to overcome his fears – therefore, I stay aloof as well. I can’t force anyone to realize something. He has to realize for himself!

A few people have asked if I have read the book "He's just not that into you" and I tell them that I refuse to read it. Why? Because I don't need a stranger to remind me of the things that I should already know - and yes I say that with an attitude!

yours truly,

I'ma A Diva from Seattle

I'm no different sometimes!

There I was sitting on his bachelor leather couch infront of a 50 something inches wide screen tv. He was making us some tea in the kitchen. I'm pretending to watch the television while deeply thinking about how to open up a conversation about how he hasn't called me for a week and suddenly wanted to hang out. I for sure did not want to sound nuts, but still wanted to get a convo about why that was. So he sat (not right next to me) - and I thought well I'm going to make my way into his bubble - so I did. Then the unexpected revelation came! He says "I have something to tell you" - so I thought: I've only known you for a little over a month, what could it possibly be? he continues, "you know how I have been M.I.A for almost 2 weeks? it's because I was boo'd up..."

WOW - faced with an unexpected couch confessional, I did not know how to react! Why tell me such thing? Why confess when clearly we both are in a stage where we can do whatever we want? Why be M.I.A and completely neglect me for days if you're not committed to anyone? - all sorts of questions running in my head and what I ended up saying was: "Oh I see, well thanks for letting me know" - whoooooowhat? I can't believe I handled it like that.

We, women always complain about liars and guys who can't just keep it real! I got myself an honest guy sitting next to me and I resented it! Yes I know it's complex BUT I guess honesty is preferred to an extent. What he said was an uncalled confession that we both could have gone without! I was mentally checked out after that... thinking 'If you don't know how to manage your time, then that's your bad and no brownie points for telling me how you were boo'd up without following up with something like "but that's all over now because she wasn't anything like you"-'Yes sometimes I'm no different! Sometimes I can be just like how many men would say: DIFFICULT!

- your's truly,

I'ma A Diva from Seattle