Unspoken Rules of the Friends with Benefits

Many of us out there are in a “casual” relationship. But as much as we have witnessed this type of relationship from TV or from friends we still seem to really not know how to properly position our emotions when it comes to the casual dating. Sometimes I wish I was Samantha(Sex and the City) – but then I’m not really in New York – ha!

So you tell me if you agree, but these are the unspoken rules whether you like it or not!
1. You can’t be jealous – you really can’t!

2. You can’t expect him to cuddle with you after wards and if he does it doesn’t mean he’s falling for you! It just means he’s in the mood to cuddle.

3. You can’t dress down! Seriously! Men are very visual and if you want to have even the tiniest control over the situation, you always have to make him realize that you’ve got what it takes to attract other people and that he’s not the only guy in the planet

4. Don’t show him all the benefits of being your friends all at once – don’t give him your goods, cook, massage him, and give him your goods again in the same night, week, or even month! As a matter of fact, just give him one benefit if you can help it.

5. Don’t expect to get his public display of affection and if you do get it don’t read too much into it!

6. Never think you’re the only one! No reason to confirm it or no reason to assume it. There’s a reason why he doesn’t want to get tied up. Don’t you think?

7. Try not to be lovey dovey! If you want to show him your domestic side – you can get others to confirm it! Cook for your “real” friends and have them be the testimony to your domestic side! What’s the point of proving yourself to him when he’s not proving himself to you?

8. Try not to spend the night all the time. Leave in a hurry sometimes like you somewhere to be :)

9. Wait for him to invite you over or invite himself over sometimes. Be aware of who initiates all the time! It can’t be you giving up the goods all the time.

10. Just because you’ve already hit the sack doesn’t mean you can’t play hard to get when you want! They love the chase!

You see there are so many constrictions in a casual relationship. Sometimes you loose yourself and you forget what a great girlfriend you’d make because you have been so consumed by making sure you don’t feel too much, give too much or love too much.

See when men tell you they do not want to be in a relationship and you still decide to get yourself involved, don’t expect for their minds to change just because you’ve shown them all of your “benefits”. Men will secretly think: “whew! Glad I told her I didn’t want a relationship early on”. They think they are off the hook! So ladies if you decide to get yourself in a causal relationship make sure you fully accept that there’s a big chance that it could never be more than that!



Sincerely,

I'ma -a-Diva from Seattle

AGE - more than just a number! part I

I just recently had an encounter with a young lad ( 2 years younger than I am) and at first, I just knew it wouldn't work but then that nice heart of mine told me to give it a try especially after he said that "age is nothing but a number" - so I DID. He was decent looking (honestly a small head for his body - some friends think he's a cutie), okay manners, mediocre fashion, but he had a lot to learn! He confirmed my definite point that anyone younger than me is too young. I need a man who is at least 5 years older than I am! I don't have time to teach anyone all that nor am I open to be their point of change (been there and done that!). We all know we can't really change men, I tried - trust me it's not easy. As I age, I become more and more impatient with the things I know I cannot tolerate!

So this young lad - let's call him well - YOUNG LAD - can't be more annoying even if I tried to ignore it. He was always looking for approval (just like a little kid would!) "Did you enjoy my company?" - after a good time of just laughing and chatting - well duh?!; "Where you thinking of me?" after I responded to his text message that I missed the night before - another duh!?; "Am I dressed like a playa? Am I dressed ok?" - wtf? who asks that question after you've arrived at the destination and dont' have a choice but to wear what you have? - MANNN is that annoying! - To top it all off and the very thing that turned me totally off was when he came to a party I helped host and he came close to me and whispered "A lot of girls have been giving me the looks tonight..." the nerve!!! so I quickly said "That's good, I'm not worried" - translation: great! go find someone else to irritate!

IN THIS CASE AGE IS DEFINITELY MORE THAN JUST A NUMBER - IT'S A DEFINITION OF STATURE - I PASS! NEXT PLEASE!

Sincerely,
I'ma - A - Diva from Seattle