Will my main man MAN UP?

As one of the only single ladies in the crew, I can tell you that the ratio between fun and frustration can be 50/50 but honeslty, as I get older, it's turning to be 40/60. Some say I got high standards, others say I'm difficult, and the rest thinks I'm too busy. Either ways, you won't find me defensive on all accusations. But sometimes, I'll find myself saying "I just haven't found the right one".

Lately however, I have been thinking more and more about my main man. Sometimes I feel like he is the one for me but my big ego always wins the argument. My big ego protects me by helping me deny the fact that he may be the one. I know it's confusing - but if you are a woman readin this, I'm sure you can relate.

An "expert" on dating once wrote that a single girl should have a top 4. The top 4 guy is the one that you least like, he takes you out occasionally and entertains you on the phone when you have nothing else to do. The top 3 is someone you like better than your top 4, but not by much. Your top 2 is someone you really like. You spend hours on the phone with him, you have fun going out with him and he always comes through when your top 1 is not available or is acting up. your top 1, of course, is the winner. You can spend endless times with him and it's never boring, maybe even have some kind of feelings for him.

My current main man is someone I met uncoventionally. He and I just happened to be in Las Vegas, in the same club, on a long weekend. He was there for football, and I was there for my brother's wedding last August 2007. It was about 2 o'clock in the morning and I just got woken up from my nap by one of the bouncers at Tao who thought I was drunk. Yes! I took a nap in the club! You can laugh now :). So to actually wake myself up, I walked around and saw 2 cute men. I dragged on of my girls to come with me to talk to them and then my Psces man interrupted. I'm not quite sure what happened next but the next thing I remember is that we were sparking a conversation. I'm going to confess that I came ot Las Vegas that weekend with an ulterior motive. I wanted to know what it felt like to be bad. A one night stand in Las Vegas is cliche but I wanted to check that off my list :0

All of a sudden one of the girls with us needed help getting out of the club and before we departed, he gave me his number and insisted that I find him in the club to dance later on. Something about him was comforting and so I thought I should come back to find him later. I didn't think I would actually be willing to come back to look for him, but I did and we had a blast dancing, talking, and throwing puch lines at each other. He invited me back to his room and although I showed some hesitation, deep inside I felt comfortable. We ended up talking for another 2 hours. There was too much to talk about and I was surprised we did all that talking despite what we both actually probably have been thinking of doing. We fell asleep and not until the next morning did we invade each other's bubble. He was cute about suggesting we should call each other somtime. He specifcally said "don't be afraid to call and say hi, I'll do the same and don't worry, I'm not annoying and I won't call you everyday but I'll be calling you".

Almost two years later, I find myself writing about him. He has been my MAIN MAN for almost two years! We talk almost every day and he calls me multiple times a day sometimes. He has plenty of reservations when it comes to a long distance relationships because his last long term girlfriend (turned fiance) didn't work. We see each other every 3-5 months, and usually during coincident moments. For instance I had a job interview in Monetery Bay and it so happened that he was assigned to work in Oakland, which is only 2 hours away. So he drove to pick me up and stay with him for the weekend. Also at one time, I was laid off and I decided to visit my girl in Vegas and just have fun, and it just so happened that he was planning to be in Vegas the same weekend.

In the "almost two years" that we've known each other, we've only spent a total of 4 weekends together. 2 of which were coincidental. Are we nutts? Are we out of our minds for keeping this going? I feel like I need to keep it going until it won't go anymore, and because we are so similar I am confident he feels the same.

He visited me here in Seattle a few months ago and met my friends. He knew it was important for my friends to meet him, and he made sure he was able to come and visit. Even though he doesn't say he misses me every day, it showed in the way he kissed me. The way he was excited to spend time with me. And even the way he was trying to annoy me just for kicks. We get along so well because we both have similar personalities. He's a Pisces and so am I. We have very little differences and I'm happy about those. We surprised each other about all the things we are similar with. Frankly we are both impressed with each other :) for instance I have always dreamt how I'm going to march the aisle with KC and JoJo's All my life intro, and to my surprised he LOVES that song and can put it on repeat just like I can. That is only one example of our random similarities.

I can tell he "loves" me but I'm not sure what type of love he feels. I conclude, however, that he isn't "in love" with me because if he was, he would've conquered any fears and allowed what we feel to happen. I dont' force the issue because I believe that even though it's clear I like him and he likes me, it will still be his role to ask for us to move to the next level.

I give this whole situation the benefit of the doubt. I mean sometimes I wonder what kind of a man he really is, inviting me (a stranger) to his room after just spending 2 hours in the club. But then again, what does he think about me agreeing to have him take me back to his room after 2 hours in the club. We both have looked passed that. We definitely have an unconventional relationship!

So when he randomly texts me he misses me, or when he calls me to say goodnight, or when he sends me flowers every Valentine's Day, or when we talk for hours on the phone.... I often stop and wonder if I will live to see the day when my main man MAN UP!?


Sincerely,
I'ma - A - Diva
from Seattle