It IS... What it IS... Or IS IT?

It IS What It is…. Or is IT?

Never take anything seriously when you are caught in a situation in your life when you and the person that you are “seeing” or “dating” says “it is what it is.” Cause let me tell you it never is.

I’ve been on this emotional rollercoaster with my current dude for over a year and I’m getting to this point where I don’t know what to believe anymore. He tells me one thing and does another. Says he doesn’t like this girl… but then I read shit on his facebook that leads me to believe something else.

So the question is… What the fuck is it?

Let me break this story down a little bit for you.  I would love to go all the way back to the very beginning but that’s another story in itself, so let me start in November 2008.

He happened to go on vacation in Hawaii, and I just so happened to go to Hawaii at the same time as well for a family funeral. Anyway, one day he asks to hang out, meet up at the beach with my cousins and I. I’m down, so we confirm a place to meet. He then sends me a text message “I’m going to bring this chick I met last week.” My thought process is… “WTF? He’s joking.” I don’t think he’s serious, cause we’ve been pretty seriously talking since September. We’re sleeping together, and he’s the only one that I am sleeping with.

So I show up at the beach and what do I see? My dude and this chick laying next to each other on the sand. My heart starts to drop and I can’t believe my eyes.  My mind is racing. “Did this asshole really bring this bitch to the beach?” And ladies he really did. I tried to hold back my attitude. Be composed. I was boiling with anger and jealousy.

He introduces us. She’s nice. Cute. She has curly hair like me. Freckles too. Bitch. Asshole. I can’t control my emotions. When I am angry or upset I tend to tear up. I felt my eyes filling up so I grabbed my sunglasses. I need something to distract me and the sun isn’t enough. So… I start reading my book. Doesn’t help one bit. I still see them talking to each other right next to me. Mind you, I am laying next to them. Don’t ask me why I decided to do that. 

The music in my ipod doesn’t help either. I thought that it would maybe help drown out my emotions but this shit is too much for me to handle. So I start texting my cousins and girlfriends about what this asshole just did. They are just as pissed as I am. I can’t take this. I get up to go into the water. I’m thinking to myself “I really gotta think this through, what are you doing? And what are you going to do now?”

I sit on the sand and let the waves splash up against me…. I feel the sun soaking in my brown skin. “God, please help me through this.” I beg. I start going through how I plan on not talking to him anymore when I get back to Seattle.

I then feel someone behind me and a handful of sand hits a part of my arm. I turn around and see him. Standing there. Looking at me. “What’s wrong?” I think to myself,  “Are you really asking me that question? Aren’t my emotions written all over my face.” I’m pretty easy to read. Of course I reply with “Nothing.” He has to know that I am lying.

He asks again, “Are you upset?” This time I reply with a “yes.” He asks if I am upset because of the girl and I nod my head. I think “Hello, how stupid are you?” 

We decide to talk about it over dinner. His justification was “at least I told you.” “She’s just a friend.” “You met someone last time you were here.”

Doesn’t matter what he said to me because he did me wrong! He disrespected me in front of my cousin. He didn’t give a damn about my feelings and even though I did meet a guy in August when I went to Hawaii who I kissed once. We were not serious as we were now. And I would never bring another dude to the beach if I was planning on hanging out with my “dude.”

Anyway, I ended up squashing it. I don’t like to dwell on things that have already happened. Blah blah blah, things were fine. I didn’t bring it up again. Then we’re back In Seattle and I see that he posted pictures of him and that “girl” on his myspace. What the hell? I start to get upset again. Not only did him and I take a ton of pictures but he put up pictures of him and that girl before he put up any of us.

I’m irritated and we already know my emotions are readable like a book.  We have a fight about this a few days later and he gets defensive. “She’s just a friend, she’s from Germany, I met her in a grocery store, I didn’t sleep with her, I haven’t put up all my pictures yet.”

Of course I believed him, I mean why wouldn’t I right? I really like this guy, I want to be with him so forgive and forget.

Lesson to be LEARNED… All of those answers were BULLSHIT because I’ve learned so much more since.

Turns out that they continued to keep in touch since November.  They were friends on facebook. He never accepted me or any of my cousins friend requests and now I know why. He didn’t want me to see that they kept in touch. 

If men only knew that they CANNOT hide anything from a WOMAN. We know everything. We find a way to find out everything, and someway it finds a way to let itself known to us. WOMEN are gifted creatures in this way.

I ended up moving to Hawaii In February for a wonderful job opportunity. He fed me with what I feel is bullshit now of “I’m going to miss you.” He helped me pack the night before I left. Flowered me with kisses and affection. Come to find out… the “girl” makes a trip out to visit him two days later. How cute. Just in time for Valentines day.

How did I find out all this information? The lovely world of Facebook. The girl put up all the pics, that’s how I found out first. I confronted him about it and of course more excuses came out of his mouth. “She doesn’t mean anything to me compared to you… I don’t like certain things about her….” Blah blah blah. Oh God, write me a fucking sympathy card so I can cry for you. As Rhianna says, “Can I get a round of applause?” 

I was pretty mad. I started to put the puzzle pieces together. This is why he never accepted me as a friend on facebook. This is why he didn’t answer my phone or texts much during that week. This is why when we did talk, he was busy cleaning his place. Cleaning his place for her! He spent Valentine’s Day together with her, while I spent mines alone. Oh my god, Mother F-er!

I finally put the dates together of everything when he finally accepted my friend request a week ago. My question is, he claims he didn’t have these strong feelings for her, yet she goes to visit him, he sleeps with her, all their comments to each other are “BABY THIS” and “BABY THAT.” God, gag me already. W-T-F! 

I happened to leave out the part that he just came to visit his family and I a week ago. And he says all this stuff of how “I could have made you my girl, but I didn’t want to be selfish and hold you back from following your dream.” “I really like you.” He tells me that he doesn’t have strong feelings for that girl, but that girl really likes him and he doesn’t know what to do.

Arrogance doesn't get you anywhere. It’s like he wanted her to fall for him like he loves the attention cause he can’t be ALONE.

You have to be thinking to yourself that this guy is such an asshole, why am I still talking to this guy? Why do I care about him? What the FUCK am I doing?

See what happens when you let yourself like someone? Drama. Bullshit. So ladies never let this happen to you. NEVER be in a situation where it could be called “It is… what it is.” Cause there is always more to the story. 

The question now remains…. How will my story END? 

-Pocket Full Of Sunshine- From Seattle/Hawaii